Dirty Little Secret: Chapter 1

Tara paced in Jax’s living room, anxious to hear some kind of word on the progress of Jax’s son; Abel’s kidnapping. Evidence had led SAMCRO to Ireland where they had long time friends and partners, who had discovered that one of their own had taken him.

Gemma and Tara had bonded closer together than they ever had before. Both women shared the pain of losing a baby who they had both cared for every day. Every day they either spoke to each other over the phone or came over each others’ houses to help each other deal with the pain, worry and anxiety that they were both feeling.

Tara had taken a leave of absence from work. She was one of the surgeons at the local hospital in Charming. Her mind couldn’t cope with all of the stress that her job entailed. Who could blame her? She had discovered that the field of medicine that she wanted to devote her life to; was in the infant intensive care unit. Abel’s birth had made her realize that she had a gift. She wanted to help very young, innocent lives, who needed a doctor when they were so young, small and defenseless.

Jax blamed Tara for Abel’s disappearance. He had pushed her away, but Gemma kept coaching her on how to fight for him and their relationship. Jax would eventually come around once Abel returned into the family’s loving arms again, Gemma would always tell her. Tara was beginning to lose patience. She hadn’t been held, kissed or anything since Abel had been kidnapped. Jax’s mind was completely on finding his son and returning him home. She couldn’t blame him.

But it hurt that he wouldn’t turn to her for comfort. It hurt that he kept pushing her away. It hurt that he couldn’t see that she was suffering too. Didn’t she mean anything to him? It was like his mind was closed off. He had erected a wall around himself and wouldn’t let her or anyone else in.

She suffered alone.

Even though Gemma had assured her that she didn’t blame her for what had happened, (Tara had been there at the time of the kidnapping. She had been held at gun point and she could have died instead of Half-Sack.) Tara still felt a tremendous amount of guilt. What kind of mother was she? She couldn’t even protect the one child that she’d been put in charge of.

The doorbell rang.

Tara rushed to the door to answer it. She expected and hoped it to be one of SAMCRO to give her the latest update. It wasn’t. Instead, Tara saw that it was Wendy. The mother of little Abel. A drug abuser. An addict. The woman who had the one thing that Tara wanted most – Jax’s son.

“Hello,” Tara greeted her, not in a friendly matter, but polite.

“I heard,” Wendy burst into tears as soon as she spoke. “When were you going to tell me? I had to hear about it through the Charming grapevine!” She shouted at Tara.

“I’m sorry, it’s not my place to tell you anything. I have no idea why Jax or anybody else didn’t tell you about Abel’s kidnapping,” Tara tried to reason with her.

“But you knew…” Wendy objected. “You’re Abel’s doctor and you didn’t have the decency to give me a call to let me know what happened? I should make you pay right now,” she threatened, angry and full of outrage.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say,” Tara shrugged. “Would you like to come in? I’ll explain everything about what happened.” She wanted to try to calm Wendy down.

Wendy nodded her head and came inside. She had calmed down a little bit, but not completely. She sat down at the kitchen table. Tara poured her a cup of coffee and sat down across the table from her.

“Where should I start?” Tara wondered.

“How about at the beginning?” Wendy suggested.

“Well, it happened right here in this room. I was on the phone with Jax when Cameron came in with a gun…” Tara explained the rest of the story to Wendy’s tear-stained face.

After Tara had finished, Wendy spoke up. “If it had been me watching over Abel, I wouldn’t have let that asshole taken him!” She shouted, angrily at Tara. “I would have died before I let him take him!”

Tara looked away. That was part of the reason why she felt so guilty. She heard it every day – how everyone else would have died trying to keep Abel from getting kidnapped. But she didn’t. She hadn’t. What was the old saying…hindsight was twenty-twenty?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that he was going to take him,” Tara replied back. “If I could do it all over again…I would have tried harder to keep him safe. I know that this is no consolation to you…but I really love him as if he were my own son. I’m totally distraught by his kidnapping.”

“Yes, well, you see…” Wendy laughed, sarcastically at Tara. “That is the one right thing you’ve said since I first walked in here. You should feel distraught and guilty for what you let happen.”

Tara knew that it was Wendy’s pain talking and not her own personal point of view. Tara was the closet person to her; who she could lash out at. Wendy wanted to hurt her, just like how she was hurting. She could understand that.

Jax entered the house. He stopped in his tracks as he entered through the front door. He was shocked to see Wendy sitting there at his kitchen table. “Wendy…what are you doing here?” He asked, incredulously.

Wendy, of course, ran into his arms and started to cry like a baby. She kept moaning and carrying on about how nobody had told her about Abel and how she hoped that they would get him back soon.

Tara rolled her eyes. Wendy was, and always would be a drama queen. She was milking Abel’s disappearance for all it was worth just to get Jax’s attention. Tara decided that she’d had enough. She got up and left the room, giving the two of them some privacy.

Jax watched her go, surprised by the way that Tara had rolled her eyes because of Wendy’s actions.  Didn’t she understand the grief that they were going through?  Didn’t she care about Abel? Jax tried to comfort poor Wendy. He held her in his arms, as she cried into his shoulder.  They stood that way for awhile until Jax pushed her away from him.

“I promise you, Wendy. I’m going to find him. I won’t let Cameron get away with this,” he vowed. He stared into her eyes, to make sure she was listening to him. “I promise. We will get Abel back.”

Wendy and Jax moved to the couch in the living room. Jax had his arm around her, comforting her.

“I can’t believe that he’s gone,” Wendy moaned, into Jax’s shoulder.

“Shush, it’s alright. We know he’s in Ireland. Clay and I are going to go there and get him back. It’s okay, he’ll be home before you know it.” Jax rested his chin on the top of Wendy’s head. He closed his eyes; hoped and prayed that it would be that easy.

Tara stood and peered around the corner of the hallway entrance. She watched the two of them in each other’s arms. Wendy was getting more affection and more comfort from Jax than she had since Abel’s kidnapping, Tara thought bitterly. It made her come to a swift decision.  One that she knew she would regret later on, but she was at her wits’ end.

If Jax didn’t appreciate all that she had done for him or her being around there anymore…then she would make the decision for him. She would move back into her parents’ house and Wendy could have all of his attention. She couldn’t take it anymore. She’d had enough. She walked into Jax’s bedroom and laid down on the bed and cried.

After having a good cry, Tara dug out her suitcase from the closet and began to pack. She didn’t bother folding any of her clothes, she wanted to get out of there as fast as she could. She dragged her suitcase down the hallway and waited for the perfect moment when Jax and Wendy were preoccupied. She walked out the front door and moved on with the rest of her life.

After Wendy had left, Jax went to go in search of Tara. They needed to talk. He hadn’t liked the way that she had treated Wendy and made faces behind her back. He went into the bedroom that they shared and noticed that the drawers were pulled out, clothing was strewn all over the place and her side of the closet was empty. He raced into Abel’s room, expecting that maybe she had decided to just switch rooms. That was not the case. His bedroom was full of baby clothes and nothing more.

Where did she go? Had she left him for good? Why had she left him all alone? Suddenly, he was angry. He destroyed Abel’s room, knocked over the shelf, crib and tore the room apart.

He couldn’t believe that she would run away from him once again.

* * * * * *

A few days had passed. Tara had ignored any phone calls from Jax and/or his mother, at both her house and on her cell phone. Call display was a wonderful thing, she thought to herself. Some of her old friends from high school had called her and they had made plans to go out.

Tara needed to socialize. She had been cooped up in her house, ever since she had left Jax. She had been crying for days on end. She felt depressed and not sure if she could go on. And she was the one who had ended it. She wondered how Jax had taken her departure. Did he even miss her? Had he noticed that she was gone? She knew that it would take some time, but she vowed to herself she would get over him…eventually.

That was why she was making it an effort to move on with her life. She needed to go out and have some fun.

She met her friends at one of the local bars in town. Thank God, it didn’t have any affiliation with SAMCRO. She didn’t want to see anyone who had any kind of connection with the club.

She drank, danced and had a wonderful time catching up with her old friends. Most of them were married and had young children. It made her feel left out. She could’ve been talking about Abel, she thought. She could have been bragging about how fast he was growing. But what was done, was done. She couldn’t fix it now.

Tara took a break in the washroom and stared at herself in the mirror. She noticed that her makeup was smudged and she had dark circles under her eyes. She wiped the smudges off and brushed her hair. She heard someone enter the room and chose not to pay attention.

She saw Wendy’s reflection in the mirror. When had she shown up here? This wasn’t her usual type of establishment. Wendy had a smirk on her face when she noticed that Tara was watching her warily.

“You know…I should thank you. You made my return to Charming and to Jax, that much easier,” she told Tara in the mirrors’ reflection.

Tara tried to ignore her and concentrated on what she was doing.

“You should know that Jax and I are back together again. In fact, he’s been really good to me since I found out about Abel. He’s always comforting me,” she gloated. “Oh, and did you know that while the two of you were seeing each other…we slept together the night of Donna’s wake? Maybe even now, we could be expecting another child on the way,” she taunted.

Tara felt like the world crashed down and shattered all around her. She felt sick, used and hurt in a way that she never had been before. It was all she could do not to either burst into tears or run out of the room. She was dying inside and felt her soul collapse.

Wendy sauntered off; her goal was complete. Tara knew that she had wanted to make sure that Tara never wanted to get back together with Jax ever again. Well, Wendy’s plan worked. Tara watched her go, until the door closed behind Wendy as she left.

Oh God…oh God…oh God…what had she done? What was Jax thinking? Tara asked her reflection in the mirror. Had he gone completely crazy? Wendy was a druggie. She only cared about one thing and that was herself. What did Jax see in her?

Tara couldn’t believe it. She had left the one person who she loved most in this world…for what? So that someone else could have him? She felt angry at herself for running away and it wasn’t the first time. Why did she always run away when the going got tough? She felt her heart break in two. She needed to sit down and come to grips with it.

She went into one of the stalls and sat down with her head between her legs. She hugged herself, trying to find some sort of comfort and relief. God, no! She felt as if the best part of her was missing. She felt so alone and afraid. She sat there and cried and cried. She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, but she heard the DJ call out an announcement for last call. She got up from her seat and went out into the bar.

There were a few people still there, but her friends had all left. She didn’t know how she was going to get home. She didn’t think that she could drive. She was both too drunk and too emotional to get behind the wheel of her car. She decided to walk.

It was a dark night. She was in the bad part of town. It was spooky. Every little sound made her jump. She tried to stay to the brightly lit streets, so she could see if anybody was going to sneak up behind her.

“Hey there, pretty lady,” she heard someone call out. She didn’t stop and face the person who had called out, but she walked faster. She walked in front of a back alley. She felt someone reach out, grabbed her arm and pulled her into it’s dark depths.

She screamed and fought like a she-cat.

To be continued…


2 thoughts on “Dirty Little Secret: Chapter 1

  1. i really like this!

    thank god wendy isn’t appearing in s3. its already bad enough with jax trying to push tara away.

    excuseeeee meeee, jax! god, you make me so angry!


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